I'm Trying to be Content

So, it has been kind of interesting for me lately where pregnancy is concerned. I feel torn between being happy and excited for people, and feeling sad and disappointed that it's not me.

I can't say that I've given up really...I just finally reached the point where I can look at it and go...well, if it's gonna happen it will so quit thinking about it.

It really is hard to NOT think about it, because, now I have my little girl telling me every day that when we pray, we need to pray for a little sister with long brown hair. :) She has even made us start putting a place setting for her little sister with the long brown hair at the table. Hmm...maybe next she'll tell us we need to put an extra pillow and blanket on her bed. It's cute, but bittersweet at the same time.

Although, it was pretty funny when our son prayed for a baby brother. I thought my daughter was going to have a meltdown. She was quite insistent that we needed to be praying for a baby girl.

Anyway. I have had some real long talks with my mind about how I need to get out of my pity pit and start helping others. It really has helped to volunteer more for things.

It has become increasingly difficult to be around people who are pregnant (I mean seriously, it's like going into a store where they have the one thing that you want the most...say for example, a chocolate shop if you love chocolate. You can see people buying chocolates, you can see others eating chocolate and just loving it, and then when it's your turn, they tell you sorry, you can't have any, or we're all out.) Bad analogy but it's all I could think of in 30 seconds to even come close to how I feel.

So, what can I say. I'm trying to be content. I'm trying to focus on the two kids that I have and be grateful that I was able to have two. I'm trying to not dwell on the fact that most people think we are "choosing" to only have two children.

Still...there's this longing...will it ever go away?...and even more than that, do I really want it to?